It seems that boats feel lonely too! Truth! Just look at what happened… old boat docked at my door step. Three weeks later, new boat parks in my drive. At least this one is better looking… Here to keep company?! Sure…go ahead!
Awesome day, today! I have apparently made a lot of you happy with that girly beemer picture…Made me happy too, so, glad to be of help! The week is over, well most of it anyway… Poker tonight didn’t happen, at least I didn’t lose anything…
As the sun was dropping behind the house across the canal, I felt the temperature rising…I’m hot, I thought! Duh, I knew that! But this was different…I lowered the temperature with a few degrees and went on my way. 10 min later, sweat was dripping from my chin on the paperwork I was trying to finish. What?! Leaks? I looked up, nothing. I went to the thermostat again. 80 F… What?! What happened?! It was fine 30 min ago, what changed?! I started all the fans in the house and called “the guy”. He said that it is too late to come now, but surely before noon tomorrow he will be able to fix it. Fix what? How do you know what is wrong? “I am the guy!”….
Oh!…Yeah!… Forgot about that! In his “air conditioning for dummies” explanation, a condenser popped somewhere and it had to be replaced. No freon was moving so I could either leave the AC on fan or on, it would make no difference. If you have ever lived in Texas, you’d know this answer is not true…the humidity alone will kill you before the heat! I love cool spaces, not metaphorically, really, literally cool, fresh air flowing around you… I took a cold shower…joking! the cold water is a little warmer than body temp, so it doesn’t qualify for cooling. If you’re not careful, some days it can burn your skin, too! At least being wet tricks you into thinking you don’t feel the heat, and the fans help; but who can sleep in the shower? I need my cool, literally and figuratively speaking! The heat and the anger will pop something in my brain soon if I don’t “cool it”.
My fans are still on. My sleep is not. I have to cool down. I imagine the mountains…several times and places…nothing. The cool is nowhere to be found…. I feel like a fish out of water…breathe! Breathe! I’ll go pass out on a bed…self preservation – don’t hurt more that you have to! Winter will be fun…I look forward to that!
This morning didn’t get off on the right foot! And, as always, when it rains, it pours… Things didn’t stop from rolling until the end of the day. But, as always, God has a sense of humor and never fails us… he will always put a pole in your path to distract you from the view. Here’s my pole! It jumped in my path early enough to save me from the rest of the day! I feel better now! At least I know there are others crazier than me out there… and more impaired…but just as happy-go-lucky!
Today there’ll be no words. What sounds could possibly describe this? Up on the top there’s quiet and sun, but none of the burning heat or heavy feelings of the world…If you followed the path, hard as it may have been to climb, when you are up the world looks small. A tiny, unimportant, dull and busy place. But how would we know beauty without that comparison? There is no life up there, not the way Jon Doe has it. But there is life in looking at the peaks, and hoping to, one day, making it to the top. Reach!
You know how sometimes you have a bad dream where you’re trying to run and your feet won’t budge? Or you’re trying to scream, terrified by whatever anguish happens to be available in your brain at the moment, and sounds don’t come out? I must have a very good reason to revolve my conversations around these reverie manifestations, as it seems that whatever I do, something impossible, and so rare to others, will happen to me…
Something like calling the after-school program to check if the child made it there safely the first day of school and the answer being: “not here, maybe on the bus”…!?!…what bus? what are you talking about? what do you mean not there? who are you? is this a wrong number?
It turns out I am a very polite type of person; no demeaning or vulgar uttering came out of my mouth during the conversation or after. I did not stutter, nor did I yell. Hanging up, thousands of thoughts raced through my head at once – what if my worst nightmare is coming true? And that annoying nightmare occurrence took over…couldn’t move…couldn’t scream…could see myself speaking gently to others…and smiling…who took the child? that was playing in the back of my brain, like a broken record…why? who told them to? who decided it? by whose authority?…
The call came eventually, not soon enough! Found the child – got put on the bus. Won’t happen tomorrow, thought…Ya’ think?!!! Oh I’m sure it won’t, because parents have the right to be lions, and if they roar their wish and ruffle their mane, their will be done…so no children will be lost again! And none shall take ‘em, but their pride!
Tomorrow is one of those days when the sun will shine a white light that will dim out anything unimportant, and will bring up that one particular item on your plate that has been staring you in the face… whether you’re ready or not! Tomorrow the benches in the park will be bare and blue and the echoes of summer laughter will bounce off every empty corner. Tomorrow, the day will start much earlier than it should, and will go on way past the time it should have ended…I guess it could easily be called the longest day!
Tomorrow a bunch of little feet (and not so little ones, too) will trample all over the newly waxed floors of their school, marking their passage with streaks from a thousand new sneakers… Tomorrow, for about an hour, the beehives will look frivolous, and the fear will be as tangible as the school walls. Voices will cover each other and tears will roll down wrinkled and young faces…the chaos will rule! For about an hour…
Then silence will take its place and the walls will dissolve, the cries will subside, and the curiosity will take the place of anxiety in the little hearts. Wrinkled hearts will be heard throughout the day, thumping loud, fast and scared. What if?… The minutes will crawl, the outer sounds will be muffled….the eyes will watch the clock.
For those of you who don’t take a child to school tomorrow, if you see your colleagues acting like this, forgive their passing mood. Those of you who have been there, or who will be there for the first time tomorrow, remember to breathe! They will be fine. And so will you.
Have a great first day of school! And a fabulous year!
Texas is hot desert these days…and I can’t understand it! A whole ocean is right there! Where is all that water going when it evaporates? Because it must evaporate…that salt I have on me five minutes after coming our of the waves is not my own, and it doesn’t normally happen if the heat is not extreme. I know, it might just be me! ‘Cause I know I’m hot, but still, even I am not that salty!
A few months ago I was living in a state where rain was a dear friend…it would fill up my pond, water my garden, make my grass green, and fill my lungs with freshness. Enchanting… Now I feel robbed! Someone took my rain and won’t give it back! And I have so many things I need to fix around here….and the draught is full blown, or should I call it desert and just get over it?! I saw a movie once, where someone was frying eggs on a sidewalk…it’s kinda how I feel right now, too. Egged, fried, and hot!
Even the ocean refuses to move…you can still hear the sound of the waves, but I’m pretty sure that it’s just a recording – maybe that one I wanted to do a while ago – because those puny ripples can’t really make all that noise! Where are the foamy, cool, magnificent, relaxing waves? Who took my waves? Give ‘em back!
I have a tiny basil that I grew from a seed (not kidding!) that I keep moist as best as I can; I forgot to water it yesterday. Today a scorched yellow bush greeted me as I opened my door in the morning! Oh, what is that all about?! One day?! C’mon! Tough it up, we all do! But, then again, we’re adults and my basil is only four months old, hardly qualifies even for toddler in plant years! I made my schedule and set my timers, I won’t forget anymore…
I know that some of you out there have rain. Did you by any chance get mine too? If you find it, can you please send it back? Please, please, give me back my rain… I’m seeing mirages here…take pity, be a pal…share a drop…send me a picture of it at least! I’ll share it with my kids…they’ll be back on Monday, and they are just as broiled as I am, we all could use boost! Or at least a picture of a tree, with a large crown, and thick shade!…did I mention there are no trees on this island? Nope, you heard it right…just palms…I’m putting my trust in you! Oh, a thick shade…how I long for it…c’mon! you have a good heart, you know it! Do the right thing!
I have been cooped up in a very beautiful, newly restored, southern plantation ball room with my whole team for the past few days. It’s awesome, you’ll say! Yeah, the room… The other part not so much! C’mon! Every day… For eight hours…Hearing all the stories…. The ones you want, and the ones you want to never hear about, ever again. Tell ya’ what: next time they say training….run! It might just be the day you were chosen to do the soul chasing. And, boy, is that a tough hunt!
This was a very well intended and otherwise quite successful, if applied at the right time, set of seminars on human relations and reaching others. Problem was there were too many souls in that room, just bursting with chasing desires, and too little time…! It was loud! And teary! And tumultuous! I think they call it the “Lifetime Television” moment, right? It was a moment all-right! A lot of moments…
A gal came to tell us how we should talk with kids. She thought she knew all about it, and was eager to share. So were my colleagues unfortunately! So, what do you get when you pack a room with 50 people who want to be right? Many descriptions come to mind, but just to share a few: a riot, a funeral, a madhouse, a circus, a battle field. I did learned about all the families and pain of that crowd. And it was crushing, and hard, and powerful! And it brought me closer to all of them. The first day.
But. By lunch, the second day, I was furious. Third day, 9:00 am, more were furious. It fell on me to be the strong one. Why? I didn’t ask for mass transgression! I didn’t even ask for soul searching! I did ask for a little sanity and a lot of time to train my people for what is coming next week!
I guess I’m lucky. I didn’t find anything, but I’m lucky. At least I didn’t take home all the pain the others shed. I did put a lot in all my pockets, you can’t help what you’re feeling! And you can’t stop your heart from breaking…I didn’t find out things about myself that I didn’t know. But, then again, I’ve been doing this searching for a long time now, there are no corners left unturned, and though there are new folds each day, the landscaping is still the same. Not many surprises there! But looking at the others, just opening their eyes to their inner world…woah! where have they been? most of those people can be my parents!
I guess this whole soul searching thing is like exercise, better to do a little bit and often than a lot at one time…that will take out all you got, leave you tired, stressed and yield no results in the long run. So why did anyone think three days of this is so great, now, right before the teachers get ready to meet their kids for the first time this year? They didn’t even have time to get their rooms ready! And now they’re drained, physically and emotionally! I bet you someone thought we have supermen on staff! And, of course, that time is something obsolete, that nobody uses anymore!
To all of you teaching out there: be blessed! may your cup runneth over with joy, greatness and contentment. But most of all, may you keep your sanity for your family too! Have a safe year!
I rode the bus yesterday. The school bus. Not by myself, but with the other “kids”. We were taken to another site to sit in the school year opening ceremony. I sat on the bench with a mix of respect and fear… Odd feeling…
It brought back old and dear memories from my very first day of school… I could smell the lilac in the air.. I heard my footsteps on the sidewalk, and my mom’s voice telling me things, which I can’t really recall; her voice was reassuring, caring and nervous at the same time… I remember passing by a lilac bush and grabbing a leaf. It smelled sweet, green, and warm, like the sun that it had been trapping inside it throughout the summer… I put it in my brand new uniform pocket and it made me feel safe, like an oasis of calm. The school yard was swarming with kids and parents, and flowers were intoxicating the air…They called my name and I felt myself let go of mom’s hand and following the sound of the voice who had called my name up on the stairs. The hallway was just as crowded and the voice had left me. I was alone in a sea of moving, loud, rushed bodies and felt scared all of the sudden, what if I got lost?!
I saw a hand reach out to me and I took it. “Do you remember your class letter?” I couldn’t see the face, but the voice was kind and calm. “A”. “I’ll take you there.” the voice said. I felt pulled through the mass of people and in an instant there was light and air to breathe. I filled my lungs anxiously…I was in front of a class, also full. My teacher came to me and asked me my name. She took me to my seat…. that’s all I can remember. I never knew who the voice was, but throughout my life I heard it from others many times when I was in need.
I believe it’s now called the “good samaritan syndrome” this impulse to help others. Like it’s some kind of twitch, not a voluntary action…Why would anyone make a good thing into a disease, I’ll never know… but learning from example, and oh, so many times, too, I proudly declare myself contagious of this impairment. I’ll pass it onto you if you want. All you have to do is come close.
The crowd was wild yesterday, and you could feel they were ready to be out of there. But they were entertained, happy to see each other, ready for a new beginning. Until the speech about the future cuts came… Lucky for all of us, teachers are still interested in sharing their knowledge, and in the midst of the event the news didn’t really kick in… It is a new page. Maybe this story will have a happy ending! I know I’ll use my syndrome a lot this year, to be close to as many as I can!
You know how they say enthusiasm is contagious? Well, it’s true. And people do want to partake, because in this world full of disillusions, one things that we can’t have enough is enthusiasm.
I was turning memories around the other day, to get a better grasp of things and, maybe, elicit some new take on where to go from here; I remembered this… let’s say “conversation”, that I had recently with someone who doesn’t know me very well, but claims to have seen the likes of me before. It was a talk about how people come to this place “bright eyed and bushy tailed”, and how the place takes them down. The analogy was cute, I could see myself as this perky squirrel, jumping from one tree to the next in search for better nuts.. or at least for other nuts like me who could ,at least, understand what I’m doing.. It seems to me that I found the nuts, though, even more than I care for. I would gladly share, but as a great humanitarian that I try to be, I’ll spare you this crop! If for nothing else, at least for the peace of mind it gives me knowing they are contained in one place, and not likely to escape any time soon! I can’t imagine my nuts rolling toward you… I’m not sure that you will survive. I guess, in a way, that makes me the nut holder! Or you may know me as the bushy tail. Not so much as the bright eyed anymore, though, as my glare seems to be too intense for some…but I master that one too, once in a while.
It certainly put things in perspective this little talk… It was 40 min monologue, with my polite nodding, that ended with my surprised gazed at the time…it took the whole routine though to walk the talker out. But since the day was gone, my patience asleep, and the weather as hot as always, the conclusion of it all flew past me…didn’t see which way it went, didn’t really care at the time.
I did remember listening to the waves so many times, and each time finding comfort in the story they tell me. A story just for my soul, tailored just for whatever the answer is that I seek. It’s always a happy ending. It’s always in a soothing tone. It’s always there if you want to listen. And it dawned on me: I’ll podcast the sound of the waves, play it softly in the building for a few days, and see if the sharp claws pull back in. Nature is the strongest of all medicines; who knows? Maybe the nuts will become ripe, just enough for me to pick their core, so I don’t have to break my teeth in their rock hard shell anymore! That way my long, sharp, chisel teeth can take a rest, and my sweet talking can become communication at its best.
I might be wrong though, and all the nuts might just get so stressed, they might pop right open. In which case, I’ll watch my step so I don’t prick my toes, and just enjoy the cores! It would still be a feast! I could even vodcast it for all eternity, but I’m not sure how ethical that would be, or how it might fit under humanitarian…but, then again, I’m only human!
I’m leaving the chair out for you! Have a seat and have some therapy. You know you need it…if not today, then whenever, at least you know it’ll be here for you. From my sanity to yours, with care! Enjoy!