Indulge. Life’s too short anyway!

When I was a kid, there was person I thought I knew quite well. I was seeing that person every day, exchanging pleasantries, even knew a lot of family details, that maybe I really didn’t have any business knowing, especially at that age…but people are people, and they don’t always make the wisest decisions…

I liked this person a lot. It may have been the mystery surrounding this person, maybe the fact that nobody really had much to say about this person, good or bad. Just a neutral type of personality, more inclined toward the nice and quiet. I thought that I was going to grow up and be something like that, too. That seemed cool. Funny how we make our life decisions when we are kids…to my defense, a good friend of mine wanted to be a bus driver, for the same reason I wanted to become this person I admired so much…it seemed interesting. He has a great mind and is now CEO of a large company somewhere in the world, so he did come to his senses eventually it seems.

With the years passing, there was less and less interaction with this person, and eventually I moved to the other end of the world, and lost track altogether. Didn’t even think about the whole thing for years, until recently, when the wind carried some wisdom on a hot afternoon… “life is too short, anyway! have some fun. indulge”… You know how sometimes you’re just in the right place at the right time? Of course you do, except most of the times, for most people is the opposite, but we will not discuss that issue now. A wave of memories flooded my mind and the fragrance of old times filled the air. And then it all came back. When I was a kid I saw this person every day, but time passed and I lost track.

And then, a long time ago, someone wrote me a letter…yes, letter, with words on paper…letting me know that this person, that I had such fond memories about, had faded quietly into eternity. How did I forget that part? Was it because I had such fond memories? Was it because this person was so mysterious to my puerile mind that the only thing allowed to be kept alive was this foggy image and a lot of warmth in my heart? Could it be that sometimes we create our own reality, thus making our own memories, far from the truth, but true to our hearts?

Many questions today. You don’t need to answer. But in memory of this mysterious person that I once knew, who wasn’t really close to me, but was close enough to leave a mark, offer a smile and kind word to someone tomorrow. You never know, you may be someone’s unsung hero, and they will never even realize it… until it’s too late for both of you to get to know each other. Life is too short indeed. Find a corner in your heart that is filled with sweet and calm memories, and soak your brain in it. It’ll get numb, quiet….and happy. Indulge.

Magic

It’s one of those things that nobody believes until it happens to them… Magic times are long gone, maybe they never existed, people say. But how do you explain craving a vanilla buttercream cupcake in the middle of a crazy day, when you’re so swamped with work that it would be a miracle if you make it to the restroom, and all of the sudden a vanilla buttercream cupcake shows up on your desk with a little note “though you need some sugar”…. Gotta love magic! And it’s all in the brain! Once it happened to you, that is…then, you believe. And then, you make it happen. Again, and again…you’re hooked on goodness.

But there’s the other face of the coin, when you can see the flower blossoming in your palm, being as beautiful as it could ever be, and then, in one blink, turning into a venus flytrap, biting your finger to the bone… Magic…gone wrong…who could tell why? Maybe beauty brings doom…or maybe just jealousy, and that, in turn, slams doors in your face when you least expect it…

This week I tried a little something that a very wise lady once told me. “It’s all in your head” she said. “If you set it in your head that you will focus on yourself, not on what happens to you because of outside factors, then you will live the results”. She, of course, forgot to say that if you don’t set it in your head, the same thing happens, except with a different twist…the results…not always good. You fall and break your dreams. And your dreams are the ones that keep you growing.

This week I followed the advice and chose to be “beautiful”…with all the risk of being called a lunatic. Hey, gotta live on the edge sometimes… The first day, people looked at me like I was crazy. The second, they were confused, what another “good day”? The third, I got the looks and words, and the interjections. Today everyone knew I was “beautiful”, and nobody had a problem with it…talk about Pavlov…smart man! This week, I allowed myself to dream in color and not hide my joy. This week I chose to be happy. This week was really hard otherwise, but my only memories are of the finished projects, the smiles, and the kind words. I couldn’t tell you who was upset, angry, or simply detested me for how simple life was in my lane… It wouldn’t matter anyway!  I was beautiful. I will be beautiful next week, too, and then, I’ll be the absolutely beautiful person enjoying Spring break….see, it’s all in my head!..Magic!

pick up line

“Hey, baby, let me give you a kiss”. On any given day, hearing this is good. When it comes from the right person in your life. Or the right person period. However, when it comes from someone totally random, mixed feelings might pop your perfect bubble…”Here, do you want a plain one, or the caramel?”. Oh! OK! That kind of kiss… With the pulse loud in my temples and red hot in my cheeks I politely refused the sweet treat. “No, thank you…Lent…trying…we’ll see”…and ran up the stairs.

Later in the day, in the pick up line, a voice called out “hey! Smile! Want a kiss?”…”no, thank you” came the words out with a grin. I took the kiss anyway, just because the one offering wouldn’t shut up…didn’t eat it…just held on to it.

But the whole deja-vu struck a cord in my left funnyshere…you know how they all say to think with your left or right side of the brain…I think that’s wrong, just plain wrong! One should use all their brain, all the time, but since science didn’t find any evidence that humans can do that, we’ll gladly take whatever leftovers, or rightovers for that matter, we can. Rightovers looked appealing today. This is what came out of the experience.

Pink is a really funny color! You can pair it up with anything, and it’s still as bright and cute as can be. It just perspires joy. Makes you wish people wore it at funerals…you know, to ease the pain and improve the morale… It also turns out that magnets are a man’s best friend. Pink or not. They give man reliability, magnetism, opposing poles, and perpetual laughter. Have you played with a set lately? You really should. Good excercise for the funnyspheres…both of them!

Lastly, one can play happily in the dirt at any age. If only they let themselves enjoy it. No questions and no silly preconceptions. But since dirt was not available on a short notice, and my day involved running around from one meeting to the next, while texting, emailing, calling, or yelling out stuff, paperclips had to do. I just discovered my favorite pastime! If you hear the giggles, pretend you’re busy or you never read this blog…that is if you are not ready to play in the dirt… but if you are, knock gently on my door. The password is”beautiful”. Can’t tell you why just now. Maybe some other time. Maybe after I practice the funnybrain activity some more…

Have a sizzling Thursday! There should be a new moon out there, if it didn’t “just passed”; go out and share some kisses. With caramel, please!

Down. Literally speaking..

“What do you think is down there?”. How many times have you heard this question before? It is usually a busybody or a little-foot, which in modern translation is the same, but moving on…what other person with all their wits about would ask such obvious question? But then again, is there a really good answer that one could give? Guessing works, and explaining one’s perspective on things…although the ones who ask don’t really care for personal perspective for any other reason but just to pick a conversation topic…or a fight…whichever you’re lucky enough to stumble upon. Luck’s a lady, I guess…a capricious one, so beware.

This “down there” was a loud noise, probably garbage men at work. On the roof below there were workers stripping something. Or maybe replacing the roof…couldn’t really tell at the time. In the wet morning, the sounds bounced off of the hotels walls, loud, unafraid, brash. The one who asked the question was less interested in the answer, and more in picking my brain, not knowing that there was nothing there…there’s nobody home at that obscene hour, before the coffee…Even the sounds are getting in through one ear and out through the other without leaving any trace of information in passing…

This kind of numbness wraps me up sometimes. It’s usually when things and people have a mind of their own for too long, and my perkiness runs out. Then, it’s just the base and the ocean…or just the ocean that gets through to me. Those seagulls are smart! There’s a lesson to be learned there! They know the secret of inner peace…live by the ocean, die by the ocean, and leave a beautiful memory for all…

Just chill!

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times! Life is more than a daily hassle…there is something in every sip of  hot coffee every morning than reconnects my synapses and gives my brain the buzz it needs to keep my imagination vivid…there is a little sparkle in a glance that I come across sometimes that livens up the lost adventurer in me…there is a little hand that I hold every day that warms my heart more than any sweet words that I’ve ever heard…there is a ball of fur than screams at me at the oddest hours that I understand perfectly, regardless of its inflections – talk about well trained humans – more than I’ve ever understood any instructions given to me in a supervisory tone of voice…

I think the story of Atlas is true, and I might be unknowingly reenacting it… there is a huge boulder that I carry on my shoulders up every day’s hill…Its weight makes me forget the basics of psycho-therapy, the “project yourself into the happy place” kinda’ pep talk. That’s how you can actually make it to the other side. But since I am as human as they come, my brain acts likewise, shutting down any possibility to spontaneously pick itself up and get my whole self going. That’s not great managing there! I might have to have a serious talk with it soon…it needs to be more focused on the valuable stuff…the rest comes regardless..

But as they say, when life gives you lemons…ask an optimist what to do with them! Since my lesson is right in front of me, I thought I’d share. Just in case you might have a little, or large, hidden rock that you don’t feel like showing to the world, but you feel it clouding your daily sun.

As the planet won’t stop spinning, life won’t cease, and you are the master of your own brain…go ahead and have a talk with it and explain your expectations…or, if even that seems too much for right now…just chill! The certainty with grief is that it’ll be right where you left it… so let it wait for a little bit. Just while you recharge. While you take a good look at that sunrise. While you concentrate on the taste of that chocolate. While you listen to those rain drops hitting the window panes. While you feel your arms holding tight that one you take for granted every day. Enjoy the sweet and savor the given. And chill.

square hearts and versatility

I will not write about Valentine’s. I mustn’t. I can’t. It would be wrong! Although It was a success in itself… I survived the day without suffocating. No, not that kind of suffocating! The kind that comes with raspy chest and hoarse breathing. And usually with fever. Mine was minus the fever, but with lots of dizziness. Again, no, no alcoholic beverages were ingested…well cold medicine is not considered that, I guess…

I will write about great little sparkles of joy that one finds hidden in one’s pocket. Undisturbed in a long time, forgotten, and rediscovered with the most excitement, as if they were the newest and bestest toys in the world! I tried to kill some time today and clean up my wordpress spam. Yes, even wordpress has it…

Anyway, I digress. Looking through messages and comments I stumbled upon this nice little message “Congratulations, you have been nominated for the Versatile Blogger Award!! What does this mean for you? Well it means a little work sorry!!”…Ha! I’m sick! No way I’m working today…I wouldn’t be able to! This room is moving as I type. So mLr, it’s your fault if this post is incoherent! Oh, where are my manners? Thank you bunches for this honor! It really means a lot! Yes, everyone, mLr decided that I should get a little suga’ in my lemonade…and shared that my posts spark a little joy…Thank you! It couldn’t have come at a better time!

Now, the work part…I don’t know…I might excuse myself and cut it short…kinda’ like when you skip class ’cause your head hurts. You can’t hold it against me today…It’s Valentine’s! And did I mention I’m sick? So I am going to give you the high five for blogs I enjoy and things about me…after all, I’m not all that intriguing…not so much to say…not with half-a-brain alive anyway…

So here are five things about me that ya’ didn’t know:

1. I consider my cat, well..my oldest cat, to be a dear friend; we’ve been together through a lot of stuff the past thirteen years! She thinks she owns me, but I know who’s the boss…that’s why I try to keep her happy.
2. I used to dance all might and go to work all day without needing any sleep; I’m paying for it now…lately I just dance at work when I’m sure nobody’s there to see me. But I’m still good!
3. Every once in a while I’ll do something so stupid that my shadow is embarrassed to be seen with me… And then I wake up and try to clean up the mess.
4. I love nuts. Problem is they love me, too…I attract all kinds of them!
5. I like square hearts. No, it’s not the Theraflu talking…it’s this

Whew! I’m exhausted! Now for the fun part! These are blogs that I enjoy. I tried not to repeat myself, so here goes:

The reluctant monogamist 

I like the world fuzzy

Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge

bwinwnbwimusic

The risible rambler

I could go over the required 15 in a heartbeat. But as I can barely count to two in between breaths, I’ll have to stick with five for today. Again, thank you mLr!

Now I’ll go drift off to sleep…I feel my medicine whispering sweet nothings in my ear…I have no idea what’s it saying…but it sounds reassuring…hope your Valentine’s doesn’t stop now! Hope it keeps going all year!

one in a million

A conversation on the shuttle last week was most entertaining and worth sharing. It wasn’t uttered by me and I do not agree, nor disagree. Yes, I’m playing mediator here, with a little dose of personal interference. I hadn’t thought of things that way I guess, and the take was fresh, unexpected, and hilarious given the context.

The shuttle was still not moving after about 20 min, and I was getting quite antsy. If you read me before, you’ll know why, if you haven’t, it’s because I have little to no patience. Documented! I have people offering to buy me some most every week. So, you see, stuck in a seat on a shuttle that wouldn’t move, when I had yet another deadline, was just wrong! I asked the driver if he could go already, but my question must not have been sweetly posed…I got a very stern “I have a schedule to follow!”…oh, don’t mind the customer here, bud!..you keep to you delayed schedule, by all means! I stopped my words before coming out, or it would have been an even longer wait…when life gives you rocks, watch out not to crack your teeth…so I reached into my pocket and found some munchables…

The lady behind me noticed my anxiety and tried to convince the man to go, but he wouldn’t budge. Her phone rang and she soon began a series of interjections with the other person on the phone, that completely saved me from pursuing the matter further…and also saved my feet a walk, I guess. ” Oh, I miss you, too! What?! Who did?! Why did you….I can’t believe you!…No, I don’t want to see you! And I don’t want to hear that, either!…See, this is what you always do! Always! And you didn’t even tell me you love me today!…I hate you!…did you feed the dog?..I know he is, that’s why you have the scoop and the mop!…You do?…I miss you, too!”.

The whole conversation lasted most of my trip. At some point I looked at the man sitting across, amazed by the sudden twists in the plot…he shrugged and smirked. “Women” he said. “They should teach boys PMS surviving skills instead health education in junior high, that’s more important for any man’s sanity!”. I don’t think my expression was too convinced, because he kept nodding “They really should! I mean, think about it, it’s every month! It’s like we speak another language! And there is no logic, or reasoning, or even a certain way to deal with it, ’cause it’s so unpredictable…you just have to watch out and roll with the punches! Wait! Maybe it should be PE, not health!”.

The first thought that came to mind was not very nice. The second followed the first. The bus stopped and it was time for me to get off. What a save! The woman had finished her phone call as well and was getting off the buss, too. I couldn’t tell if she heard him or not. As she was stepping down from the last step, she turned to the man on the bus “Idiot! Just ’cause you can’t handle it, doesn’t mean there aren’t real men out there! And if you think you could do it better, try walking in these shoes first!”.

I didn’t want to get caught in the cross fire, so I upped the pace and got out. I could hear chuckles behind me. I glanced back and the man’s face was bright red and a big purple vein was bulging on his temple…Ha! That’ll teach ya’…Of course I felt sorry for him almost immediately, but life gives you lessons when you need them, not when you think you’re ready for them.

The thought did perk though…PMS…did it become an excuse?… on both sides… Or maybe is overrated already…Does this come from ovary? No? Ok, maybe not. But if people are one in a million, unique,  singular individuals, then how can they fit in the same description? Is there a need to recreate our identity in order to change perceptions? Or is this one of those age old issues that will stick around for another millennia?

of love, hate, and other flares…

For some reason, the most popular post I’ve written seems to be the “things your rearview mirror doesn’t tell you”…Yeah, right? Don’t ask me why… Personally, I don’t find anything all that appealing about my rearview mirror…now, the same cannot be said about my rear…but that’a a whole different story that will not be told here for the obvious reasons…If they’re not obvious, well…it’s because I’m a private person…as in I keep to myself…ok, most of the things anyway…

It’s nice to see that every day there are at least 40 people who read what my mind spurts, thank you for this amazingly validating feeling!..It is a little interesting, though, to say the least, that so many read about rearview mirrors…or the secrets they hold…it must be the secrets, everyone is attracted to those! I can’t think it’s only my penmanship…

Walking down 6th street tonight I found that fan clubs are incredibly easy to be formed. All one has to do is laugh out loud, or LOL as the text goes, and a bunch of laugh cravers will gather around within seconds. The scanning and eyeballing are less comfortable to bear, but I guess one becomes immune eventually. Or goes home…

I love music and when the “piano bar” was mentioned in the conversation, I gladly agreed to sample the experience. For a while. It wasn’t bad, the music men were decent and the crowd wasn’t too wild… until one of my own turned on me. Turns out I’m not graceful when slammed…actually the word was wild, and the sound that went with it gave me goose bumps… and just like that, love turned to hate in the blink of an eye…and then it died right then and there…and war came…and a flame…and then there was quiet. Blissful nothingness…

And life went on…in a little white horse drawn carriage…hmm, this should be fun! Except I like simple things…and I value my life principles…in other’s words, rigid, strict, stuck-up, boring, stiff. In mine, stable, dependable, calm, caring. Take your pick. Or not…you could enjoy the ride though, it is quite cute…romantic…out of the ordinary…and since Valentine’s is around the corner, make sure you tell your ride a lot of warm little nothings…they really do help.

howling at the moon

Everyone needs to let off steam sometimes. It doesn’t look the same for everyone..some scream, some drink, some party all night, some go shooting bottles or snakes in the desert, some take it out on everyone around them, some take their car for a ride and forget to come back, some punch the wall, some sing their hearts out, some cry their eyes out, some just get out…and some go howling at the moon…

A whole load of heavy, dark, smoggy clouds covered my sky…There’s nothing that will move them…so for tonight, it’ll just be the bike and the horizon for me…

it’s not in the name

Today is about greatness, not about the name. The one that never fades and does not depend on approval of others. The one that doesn’t grow into a label when someone famous endorsed it. The one that stands alone, without regard for anyone’s views…or dissagreements for that matter. The wow.

I humbly bow in front of greatness. And take it all in. Let it wrap around me like a second skin. Tight. It doesn’t suffocate my creativity, it doesn’t strain my vitality, it doesn’t kill my soul. It straightens my backbone, opens my eyes, puts a spring in my step, and fills my heart with joy.

To you who are hurt, and scared, and broken, I wish I could show you this greatness, so you can breathe a little hope. In its light you’d understand. It would free you and heal your hurt. But then, again, you can see it for yourself, even if a little bit different from the way I do, if only you let your eyes see. And that, nobody can make you choose…