I always thought that if you try hard enough, you can actually distance yourself from the object of your discontent, rage, sadness, heartache… I still think you can. I do remember being wise enough at some point to do so…or maybe I was just in denial…whatever it was, it was working and I needed it back.

But how do you effectively step back. Truly. To the point of complete peace within yourself. With no little hidden grudge, no bitter taste, no revenge… The answer to this question is not an easy one. We are all different and take things in with our own grain of salt…well, most of us, most of the time, I guess that’s why they call it personal perspective. One size doesn’t fit all in this case either…But since a recipe for sanity must be out there, and I just didn’t find all the ingredients, I am starting to collect them as I grow into my own better self.

I found one to be most potent of all, but even this one has to have backup some days like today…the ocean…breathing its salts revives the soul; hearing its whispers soothes the heart; wrapping oneself in its infinite strength restore the belief that man was once giant…

But today all the doors to logic were closed. The locks weighed heavily on the weathered wood…I guess when the rains wash the varnish away, things just don’t slide down so easily…and scratch everything in their path, to the very core. It might just be that the wind carries all these grains of sand, and lays them on everything that would stand in its way. Any attempt to brush them off turns them into little needle points…engraving their mark on the skin…

Every morning a sweet smile calls to me. Through the steam of my coffee I look at the mesmerizing picture…every day it’s different; some days the sun rises just on top of a statue, casting surreal light; other days, the fog mystically wraps around the dim figures… and some days it’s just still and peaceful, and calling me with its calm. I promised myself I will one morning snap a few shots to share this feeling.

My mornings aren’t what they used to be, though…and they turn into mid-day faster than I can realize.. But this morning a warm orange smile grabbed hold of my soul. It wouldn’t let go. I was dragged in by the strings of my heart, by the tip of my nose, and by the blank in my head. I found myself wandering through the peace. And, boy! was that great for my sanity!

There, by the aged boulders, in the quiet, I found the other most powerful ingredient for my recipe. Humility. Nothing makes one feel more complete than seeing the tiny place given to him in the world, a small piece of an intricate puzzle. No major roles to take on, no tough calls to make, no hard feelings. Just peace. Just being a part of the bigger picture.

In the middle of the city there lies a graveyard…the past was calling…and with the very first step into the sanctuary, the world as I knew it ceased to exist. Standing there between the quiet boulders, blasted by storms and scorched by the sun, my heart stood still for the first time in forever. Humbled by the ones who have been here so long ago, leaving a mark into infinity. A permanent mark… and humbled by the glory, in my nothingness, I felt free. I have been spoken into being, and it took all my feisty self to burn the useless shell. The ashes still cover the core, and it will take a good crying to wash them away. But in the filtered light, in the silence, being perfect was not a requirement…

About these ads

---