In the mind’s eye…

Anything can be different if one looks at it from a different side. This is true especially if you think about explaining to others how you feel. Words will come out, so full of meaning, in your opinion, only to splat on the wall of misunderstanding like a wild splash of rainbow colors. Of course, you know what happens when all the colors mix… they turn to a muddy brown or gray, leaving you wondering if those fantastic colors ever came out of your mouth…

In the same way, what seems just dull to one, when the sun hits a certain way, can be the richest mirage to another… In the mind’s eye, the truth tends to be subjective, viewed through different glasses, never really allowing one to be certain that they have been understood.

But then, after weeks of internal torment, where every stone was turned, and every word and tone of voice was played, and replayed…when nothing matters anymore, since you can’t unsay what has been uttered… the sun shines a certain way in that someone’s eyes, and the message rings clear. And they understand. Except you’re clouded by your own doubts this time…so this chasing your tale game keeps on…

Until that day, that morning when all is still, your mind is busy with a thousand little things that must be ready by the end of the day, and here are these words, shot at you when you least expect it. Piercing through your heart. Leaving you breathless…

And the mind resumes its crazy carousel ride… trying to make sense where there is only feeling… running in the same circle, at the same speed, until, tired once again, it falls to the ground… only to be lifted again by the unsuspecting hand, and thrown back in the air… Maybe that’s what they call the circle of life… running around trying to catch your own tail, bite it, hurt, and start running after it again…

Whatever it is, it’s in the mind’s eye, so, maybe it’s there that something should change… or maybe it just needs better glasses…

I keep time still, what’s your super power?

The words of children carry the most truth, and the heaviest loads.. Lucky for them they start understanding the later when they are out of their early years, some sooner than others… but they are saved from having their immaculate world shattered by bias.

A little game of super heroes left me wondering today. Yes, I played too. How else? It wouldn’t be fun to just watch. And, yes, I skipped rope a little after school… only a little, though, it’s so hard to do it anymore, especially in high heels… So the question traveled the room, splashing us all with a little laughter at our own secret desires. “What is your super power?” As the adult, I wanted to add a little teaching to the moment, so at my turn, I declared loud and clear “I keep time still”.  There was no quiet before the storm. Just the storm. Of words. No laughter like I was prepared for…uhm, did they really “get it?” A boy raised his hand and waved it around a few times to get the floor. “Soo, how exactly do you do this?” he asked. I pointed to my camera. A wave of vowels flooded the room, and then the laughter danced around their faces… I smiled. It’s good to still be able to make them laugh.

But in the quiet of my office, just minutes later, a still world was staring at me from the graphics and photos on my walls. I could feel one set of eyes following me around the room, as I was trying to grasp my super power… and as my gaze met those yes, the world suddenly came to life, and I was transported in time, breathing the whispers… I guess my kryptonite is in those eyes…it makes the world move again, except at a different speed, and backwards, and staying away from locking gazes could keep me safe. But for now, trapped in the parallel universe, I let my heart flutter, and listened to the ocean. Again.

the world is round..

There is something magic about the mornings. I am not a morning person and the only thing that stands between me and a really bad car crash is a huge mug of coffee. And the sunrise. The colors are surreal and if you are one to blast your sound system too, that you know how I feel…

Living at the beach has its perks, that’s for sure! Yesterday I was on a conference call with Akron, Ohio…and it was raining and really cold. Brrrr! It’s almost Halloween but I love to see people around me dragging their flip-flops on the warm sand. I got sunburned last week – not that it has anything to do with my morning routine, but just saying… The ocean never seizes to amaze me…it gives me the same image in a different color range every morning…c’mon, how many shades of blue can you have in this world? Or reds and yellows… I shared my thoughts with someone…answer: not many. but the world is round.

Aha, aha?!? And? But that was it. The world is round… they must be on to something, because things kept coming back to me today, like boomerangs. Fix it, throw it, wooshh, back it comes…that’s the most plausible explanation. My arm got lots of exercising today too…so all in all, it was a productive learning experience…I think…not sure what the lesson was, or if I understood it correctly, or if the rubric really addressed what I was supposed to gather…but good.

It’s about time…

With Fall, comes change of weather, time, spirit, but most of all, change of heart. It seems that every year around this time there’s another leap. One can’t pinpoint the direction, or say with certainty that it is the right or wrong way to go, but times change, and with them, we all do.

“People are people, and sometimes we change our mind”… I heard this so many times…and when that happens, things around us take a different turn, shape, color, or scent… I did not say stench because, though the taste can be bitter, sometimes human mess can be odorless… Things that once were dull, become bright or the opposite happens, beautiful, simple things become unglued and turn into living monsters…

We know both going through life, but we only remember the changes that hurt us the most. And sometimes it’s only the times when we act stupid…or maybe that’s just me…and feel embarrassed, and want to shove our heads under our wings…that we remember. The successful way to fast change has not yet been invented, though, so coping is still a personal matter. Some of us do better at that than others. Some of us don’t.

But sometimes there are little bits of comfort that we stumble upon…like finding those pieces of candy that we hid from ourselves, and forgot all about until opening that drawer… and those instances pick us up and fill our murky days with a little happiness. Or a lot.

I keep getting these picker-uppers, these scrumptious chocolates, these heart melting moments… just when I think I’m done for. Just as my world shrinks to a pea size. Just as all my thoughts run out. It may not happen like that to you, but it should. Until then, here. Have a piece of my cake. It seems someone up there likes my sharing. Pass it on! It will come back to you…and it’s about time…

It’s a girl thing…

It really says that! Look closer! That, on top of the pink… Ahhh, life is fun! Imagine riding that thing…the breeze in your hair and the people staring at you like you are the biggest ostrich alive in a chicken coop!

It takes a special kind of person to own something that unique! Does that make them unique as well? I guess…To be able to wear that statement with pride and pink in the same sentence…it takes guts! Funny thing, though…five minutes after taking this picture, as I was leaving the parking lot, a nice gentleman came out of his truck. He was proudly wearing a pink polo with “I chose it!” on his chest… A girl thing? Nah! It’s getting to be a culture! Or maybe we are all going color blind?!

The code

I recently started looking into a QR code generator that my teachers could use. This summer I took 20 people to ISTE in Philadelphia, and they were amazed by all the way that one can use technology to make life interesting. And at how easy it can be!

On our way back, on the plane, I was exhausted, so I curled up in my seat and stuck my head in the corner of the window, and dozed off. I remember tuning out the joyful sound of their voices sharing their impressions, and the quirky giggles and all sorts of game noises, as they were playing on their iPads…

A sudden jerk and some loud, fast and excited talking pulled me from my sleep ! I was numbed and disoriented and my heart was racing 100m/h…we’re crashing! My child! I reached for the phone as my chair kept being jerked and words were bouncing off of my head…where am I…no signal! Guess not…on a plane?! I started looking around to assess the situation.. the guy next to me was drooling in his sleep, and the lady next to him was laughing wholeheartedly at some movie they were playing on her screen…I couldn’t understand…then a face popped right in front of me “hey! you’re sleeping? I’m too hyper to sleep. I wanted to ask you, how do you do those QR codes? I want to do that with my kids the first day of school. I want them to take their phones out and read all the codes. It will be so fun! Don’t you think? But you need to show me how to do those things!”. I don’t know that I had a reply, as the owner of the utterings disappeared shortly from sight.

I was still in shock, but slightly coming out… my mom was on a plane on 9/11. THE 9/11. We knew nothing of her for three days. She wasn’t on that flight, not even near the area, but communication was cut those days.. she too sleeps on the plane. All the time. Maybe my brain connected the two events, or maybe, deep down in my subconscious, there is a stand-by alert that gets triggered at the slightest association with danger…Or maybe one never forgets things that are shattering one’s world…even for three days…

But the fact of the matter is that I have looked up a tone of QR code generators. And they are fun. And the kids love them. And you can customize them, send to phones, emails, put them on shirts – which is what I do – and let others make the discovery of a math formula or a Social Studies interesting and useful fact, or simply say hello to the world! But, as much as I try, I can’t see the urgency of finding them that day, on that plane…

To all of you remembering today, have a strong week! Make it amazing! And always remember!

I feel better now!

This morning didn’t get off on the right foot! And, as always, when it rains, it pours… Things didn’t stop from rolling until the end of the day. But, as always, God has a sense of humor and never fails us… he will always put a pole in your path to distract you from the view. Here’s my pole! It jumped in my path early enough to save me from the rest of the day! I feel better now! At least I know there are others crazier than me out there… and more impaired…but just as happy-go-lucky!

Reach!

Today there’ll be no words. What sounds could possibly describe this? Up on the top there’s quiet and sun, but none of the burning heat or heavy feelings of the world…If you followed the path, hard as it may have been to climb, when you are up the world looks small. A tiny, unimportant, dull and busy place. But how would we know beauty without that comparison? There is no life up there, not the way Jon Doe has it. But there is life in looking at the peaks, and hoping to, one day, making it to the top. Reach!

Ready or not….

Tomorrow is one of those days when the sun will shine a white light that will dim out anything unimportant, and will bring up that one particular item on your plate that has been staring you in the face… whether you’re ready or not! Tomorrow the benches in the park will be bare and blue and the echoes of summer laughter will bounce off every empty corner. Tomorrow, the day will start much earlier than it should, and will go on way past the time it should have ended…I guess it could easily be called the longest day!

Tomorrow a bunch of little feet (and not so little ones, too) will trample all over the newly waxed floors of their school, marking their passage with streaks from a thousand new sneakers… Tomorrow, for about an hour, the beehives will look frivolous, and the fear will be as tangible as the school walls. Voices will cover each other and tears will roll down wrinkled and young faces…the chaos will rule! For about an hour…

Then silence will take its place and the walls will dissolve,  the cries will subside, and the curiosity will take the place of anxiety in the little hearts. Wrinkled hearts will be heard throughout the day, thumping loud, fast and scared. What if?… The minutes will crawl, the outer sounds will be muffled….the eyes will watch the clock.

For those of you who don’t take a child to school tomorrow, if you see your colleagues acting like this, forgive their passing mood. Those of you who have been there, or who will be there for the first time tomorrow, remember to breathe! They will be fine. And so will you.

Have a great first day of school! And a fabulous year!

If you’re gonna shoot, shoot! Don’t talk!

You know how they say enthusiasm is contagious? Well, it’s true. And people do want to partake, because in this world full of disillusions, one things that we can’t have enough is enthusiasm.

I was turning memories around the other day, to get a better grasp of things and, maybe, elicit some new take on where to go from here; I remembered this… let’s say “conversation”, that I had recently with someone who doesn’t know me very well, but claims to have seen the likes of me before. It was a talk about how people come to this place “bright eyed and bushy tailed”, and how the place takes them down. The analogy was cute, I could see myself as this perky squirrel, jumping from one tree to the next in search for better nuts.. or at least for other nuts like me who could ,at least, understand what I’m doing.. It seems to me that I found the nuts, though, even more than I care for. I would gladly share, but as a great humanitarian that I try to be, I’ll spare you this crop! If for nothing else, at least for the peace of mind it gives me knowing they are contained in one place, and not likely to escape any time soon! I can’t imagine my nuts rolling toward you… I’m not sure that you will survive. I guess, in a way, that makes me the nut holder! Or you may know me as the bushy tail. Not so much as the bright eyed anymore, though, as my glare seems to be too intense for some…but I master that one too, once in a while.

It certainly put things in perspective this little talk… It was 40 min monologue, with my polite nodding, that ended with my surprised gazed at the time…it took the whole routine though to walk the talker out. But since the day was gone, my patience asleep, and the weather as hot as always, the conclusion of it all flew past me…didn’t see which way it went, didn’t really care at the time.

I did remember listening to the waves so many times, and each time finding comfort in the story they tell me. A story just for my soul, tailored just for whatever the answer is that I seek. It’s always a happy ending. It’s always in a soothing tone. It’s always there if you want to listen. And it dawned on me: I’ll podcast the sound of the waves, play it softly in the building for a few days, and see if the sharp claws pull back in. Nature is the strongest of all medicines; who knows? Maybe the nuts will become ripe, just enough for me to pick their core, so I don’t have to break my teeth in their rock hard shell anymore! That way my long, sharp, chisel teeth can take a rest, and my sweet talking can become communication at its best.

I might be wrong though, and all the nuts might just get so stressed, they might pop right open. In which case, I’ll watch my step so I don’t prick my toes, and just enjoy the cores! It would still be a feast! I could even vodcast it for all eternity, but I’m not sure how ethical that would be, or how it might fit under humanitarian…but, then again, I’m only human!

I’m leaving the chair out for you! Have a seat and have some therapy. You know you need it…if not today, then whenever, at least you know it’ll be here for you. From my sanity to yours, with care! Enjoy!